Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
