I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
