Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
