You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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