Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Randomize
