We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
