NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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