"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
