forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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