I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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