dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Naked. naked and bneed help.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
