Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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