Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
