If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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