Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
