You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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