Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
