yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
