She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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