Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
