Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
