i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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