I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
