4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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