And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
