I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
