there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Quick, to the slutcave!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
