Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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