I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
did i walk over a car last night?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
