so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
