its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Oh god it's open bar.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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