She said her name was "party"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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