I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
