I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
