How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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