Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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