WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
