Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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