I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
