Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
