dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
