This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
