so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
