I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
