So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
