Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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