Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
