So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
