the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
