he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
