If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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