that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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