I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
