Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
