so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
