also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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