He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
